The Etiquette of Democracy

Published in the Dubuque Telegraph Herald on May 17th, 2015.

Expanded thoughts introduced within blog version.

“Democracy can be seen not only as a type of government but as a system of manners, a form of social life.” Andrew St. George

Like many people, I am troubled by the events of this past year, and the way in which the names “Ferguson” and “Baltimore” now connote images of strife and conflict rather than communities in Missouri and Maryland. Commentators tend to focus their discourse on claims, sometimes grounded in stereotypes about police officers and the poor, but they seldom move to discussions about constructive alternatives to violence.   They are so often caught up in the destructive event itself, they fail to offer the public any insight as to why the system of government, and the “social life” that government tries to resource, is so dysfunctional—so uncivil, in the first place.

“The Etiquette of Democracy” is a chapter in Professor Stephen Carter’s book Civility. Carter has long been an insightful observer of American culture, and he thinks about topics like civility, manners, character, and healthier political systems. In this book, Carter identifies fifteen guidelines that can help to facilitate a more civil society; disciplines individual people can practice within their spheres of influence to affect healthy change. Paraphrased, they are:

1. Our duty to be civil to others does not depend on whether we like them; [bctt tweet=”Leadership Lesson: Our duty to be civil to others does not depend on whether we like them.” via=”no”]

2. Civility requires that we sacrifice for strangers, not just people we like;[bctt tweet=”Leadership Lesson: Civility requires that we sacrifice for strangers, not just people we like.” via=”no”]

3. Civility has two parts: generosity and trust;[bctt tweet=”Leadership Lesson: Civility has two parts: Generosity and Trust” via=”no”]

4. Civility endeavors to do no harm and to do good;[bctt tweet=”Leadership Lesson: Civility endeavors to do no harm and to do good.” via=”no”]

5. Civility requires a commitment to live a common moral life, so we should follow the norms of the community if they are not immoral;[bctt tweet=”Leadership Lesson: Civility requires a commitment to follow common moral norms.” via=”no”]

6. We must approach each person with a sense of awe and gratitude;[bctt tweet=”Leadership Lesson: Approach each person with a sense of awe and gratitude. ” via=”no”]

7. Civility assumes we will disagree respectfully;[bctt tweet=”Leadership Lesson: Civility assumes we will disagree respectfully.” via=”no”]

8. Civility requires that we listen to others understanding that they may be right;[bctt tweet=”Leadership Lesson: Civility requires that we listen to others, understanding that they may be right.” via=”no”]

9. Civility requires that we respectfully express ourselves;[bctt tweet=”Leadership Lesson: Civility requires that we respectfully express ourselves.” via=”no”]

10. The basic principles of civility—generosity and trust—apply in the market and politics as in every other human activity;[bctt tweet=”Leadership Lesson: Generosity and trust apply in the market, politics, and every other human activity. ” via=”no”]

11. Civility allows criticism of others—but the criticism should always be civil;[bctt tweet=”Leadership Lesson: Civility allows criticism of others – but the criticism should always be civil.” via=”no”]

12. Civility discourages the use of legislation rather than conversation to settle disputes, except as a last resort;[bctt tweet=”Leadership Lesson: Civility discourages the use of legislation rather than conversation, except as a last resort.” via=”no”]

13. Teaching civility is the obligation of the family. The state must not interfere with the family’s effort to create a coherent moral universe for its children;[bctt tweet=”Leadership Lesson: Teaching civility is the obligation of the family, the state must not interfere.” via=”no”]

14. Civility values diversity, disagreement, and the possibility of resistance, therefore the state must not use education to standardize our children; and,[bctt tweet=”Leadership Lesson: Civility values diversity, disagreement, and the possibility of resistance. ” via=”no”]

15. Religions do their greatest service to civility when they instruct love of neighbor and resistance to wrong.[bctt tweet=”Leadership Lesson: Religions do their greatest service when they instruct love and resistance to wrong.” via=”no”]

Unfortunately, it seems as if there are few examples of passionate civil discourse. The problem is that many of us learn civic engagement from what we observe in Washington, D.C. We forget that, in Washington, there is little to be gained from civil debate as money is raised and elections are often won by going negative. But there is another style of discourse that is often found in places like Iowa.

Our community is small enough for most of its residents to have a sense of belonging. It helps that we see each other in the grocery store, Farmer’s Market, worship, or at a ballgame. In those informal places of community, we see that we’re all trying to make it one day at a time. It’s hard to verbally assault the police officer who ticketed you when you see her standing in line at Beecher’s Ice Cream store with her children.

Sometimes colleagues from across the country tease me about being from a place where being nice is identified with the State itself. But when I think of “Iowa nice,” I think of real people in our community who still open doors for strangers, give staples to the food pantry, hold hands with a hospice patient, teach our children to read, and generously contribute to various organizations. There is something about these practices that help to temper us, and make us a little more understanding, particularly of people and situations different than our own. In contrast to Washington, we do have a vested interest in, well—being nice, or what Carter refers to as civility. That’s one of the reasons why democracy tends to work pretty well in our community.