Control

On July 11th, 2015, I woke to the sound of thunder. And a pit in my stomach the size of a beach ball.

The previous day had been nearly perfect. 80 degrees and sunny. 18 holes of golf, tent, tables, and chairs set up, some time by the pool, and of course, our wedding rehearsal.

Yes, this storm rolled in on the day my fiancé and I were scheduled to get married. An outdoor ceremony, reception, and pouring rain with no end in sight.

I remember one of my groomsmen asking me; “What are we gonna do?”  A challenging question when everything seems to be out of your control.

At the restaurant where the groomsmen and I were finishing breakfast, the owner, Otto, must have caught wind that I was getting married because he came up, slapped me on the back, and handed me a bottle of champagne. The small card tied to the bottle in gold ribbon read; “Cheers to the best day of your life!”

Perhaps Otto spent most of his time in the kitchen and didn’t see the pouring rain outside, but his well wishes hit me as if the clouds parted just enough for the sun to let through. The correct response to my groomsmen’s inquiry was, in a way, served up on a platter in Otto’s card.

In moments like these, the correct response cannot be apathy or just acceptance. No, this was going to be the best day of my life because I was about to affirm my love and faithfulness to my best friend, celebrate with my closest friends and family, and begin a new life chapter. Could a little rain, ok perhaps a lot of rain, get in the way of that? 

One of my favorite authors, Ryan Holiday, writes about this sort of flipping of a switch in his book “The Obstacle is the Way”. Put simply, when you eliminate worrying, constant thinking, and scheming about the things outside your control, it frees you up to focus exactly on what you do control. Things like your perceptions, emotions, and actions.

Once this switch flipped in my mind, my perception, and thus my attitude, completely changed. I was going to carry on just as planned, and embrace every single moment of the day; because after all, it was going to be the best day of my life.

This flipping of a switch has been helpful in so many other situations in my life. For instance, consider how effective we are when we attempt to control things like market fluctuations, lack of funds, shortage of resources, missed opportunities, unexpected delays, errors, and complaints? This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t plan ahead and try to prevent bad things from happening. We are simply meant to prevent our perceived “bad luck” from compounding with negative thoughts, emotions, and actions in the present.

As a leader, you have a responsibility to set precedent with your team. Demonstrating focused positivity, especially in the face of adversity, can send a very strong message. Being able to look a bad situation in the face and see good, is the first step in focusing your perception on what the opportunity at hand is.

When the norms of your organization are focused on controlling attitude and effort, no one will make excuses for circumstance. They will feel empowered to make decisions, and to take action. And they will appreciate the freedom that the disciplines you’ve shown them can afford.

Our wedding’s final preparations went smoothly; pre-ceremony pictures were accompanied by a breakthrough of sunshine and warmth, and Otto’s well-wishes for our special day were affirmed.

No matter what situations you encounter in life, you control your perceptions, emotions, and actions. Rain or shine.