If she is using tricks to get something she wants from her. He left home and married a woman much older than him, without telling any of his family, we only found out on Social Media. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. You can tell him why you're upset but repeat that you love him and regret driving him out, that it was the biggest mistake of your life because he is the love of your life. nice! He has allowed her to disrespect me in every sense of the word. You have had decades with him while she has had only a year or so. This is why so many mother and daughter-in-law relationships become estranged: a tug-of-war with an unhappy male in the middle of it all. Sincerely warm and pleasant. Explaining what abuse, assault, and rape really are can be confusing, but it is important for his life and the lives of the girls he meets. "Do you think she'll make a good mother to your children?" It has been a hard journey for me but now you have given me the hope on this and more importantly, actions to execute to ensure this does not get worse anymore. One day my husband came home from work and mentioned that he saw my son with the girl and his friends watching movie in the living room. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content. My son began dating this girl when he was 17. I have just read through some of your postings and it has brought tears to my eyes. One day, he asked me through text messages to give him $20 because he's going out with his friends to eat out. Then, something said, "Call to the kitten." You said you dont like your sons gf because shes childish, woooah! She has had very bad comments that show that she disapproves of our relationship in front of family members and others. My problem is a little different. Never put her on the spot, especially when other family members are present. Its normal for your adolescent boy to separate from his family. Reach out and make the effort. Remember that he is an adult and just because you're his mother doesn't mean you can tell him what to do anymore. Do you have a recipe we could all cook together? While kids might seem honestly happy with their dating or personal lifestyle, as a parent, you can tell that they are in a controlling or abusive relationship. The passing of his father, my husband had impacted us both and I believed we were always going to be close. Then they had June exams, they are both in Matric and I had to start putting boundaries in place in which I told them that they can only see each other 1 day of the weekend until after exams. And instead of providing your opinions, point out the indisputable facts. As much as it hurts, you are all not alone in your situations. I'm sorry that I haven't checked in for a long time. He began to see our points, and he broke up with this girl. Since she returned home with her younger child, she has been working my son who suddenly thinks raising one child is doable and the other child is not coming. If she is trying to distance him from you or his family. But this is not just a girlfriend. Contact amy.frank@vpetalent.com with your story to apply. Keep showing and reminding him that his family is still here and loves him. My son's girlf friend will sleep over in his room. Be sure to tell them you love them. 8. My main support is that she liked to undertake Nursing as she said she likes to serve the community and I paid for her registration and now she has received a study loan for the whole year and now has one year left for her studies. teen - Son's girlfriend does not say "hello" when she comes to our Often, controlling people fear losing power and a need to influence the world . In fact, shower your mother with lots of love and attention when your new wife is around so she will associate your wife with good times and loving feelings from her son. Say nothing critical or they will resent you. Scarlet is all about junk food. But once you say this, don't harp on it or bring it up continually. My girlfriend does not live with me either as she is studying at a distant college. In turn that left us having to beat on the door asking her to please get up and leave. I even renovated her house and spent lots of money but now there is a problem when i support my girlfriend. "He doesn't like the situation," stresses Gorell Barnes. then when his guy friends tried to warn him, he "lost touch" with them. It is heartbreaking. You've set down solid foundations for him, and he is branching out and experimenting with his freedom. But, subtle signs that people don't like you can also drive you nuts, making you feel paranoid. Another essential step you should consider is scheduling consistent family time. Asks them questions about how they feel about their situation. When did the young men (mid 20s) become so accepting of being cheated on, emotionally abused,mmmoyand being dominated by their. Did you criticize them a lot? Tell him to reflect on his relationship to see if it has had positive effects on him as far as his health habits and educational/future opportunities. This is not a matter of "getting along" with his girlfriend. During this time he started dating a woman he met online from another state who was pregnant with another man's child. If he is okay with that, then that's fine but he needs to provide that roof over her head. I am a stepdad to an 18/19 yo son, and yes I do mean son, as that is how I see him, and not my stepson. We ask them to come in to discuss this and the mother will not even sit down. A monkey with a banana ran up and grabbed one of my kitties, slung him under its arm and ran away. Her mother sees your disapproval as meddling and controlling your son's life. Do you dislike the person your child is dating? Well, they have been going together for four years. "One reason why I fell in love with her is because she is a lot like you in that she is very caring and kind." lumberjack breakfast calories. I have gone out of my way and bent over backwards but yet I cannot understand her personality. bingskee from Quezon City, Philippines on July 10, 2010: though i find it funny that a hub will be discussing something about this, i find the tips very useful as well. She is constantly saying she and her baby are sick, so my son brought some things to me to laundry since he was working extended hours after finding that he himself didn't have clothing and that is when I discovered all the toddler and infant clothing covered with mold and mildew. My son is my only child and he is a hard working young man and all she is doing is wasting his money and using him to look after her kids that belongs to two different men! It might be understandable that your mother has reservations about this girl because your previous relationship with a woman did not survive. Anyways, she began cutting herself when they fought which made him distraught. APRIL 20 ORIGINAL COWBOY DIES Former NFL running back Don McIlhenny, who in 1960 scored the first rushing touchdown in Dallas Cowboys history, has died at the age of 88. Your sweet, humble wife will not be threatened by it and your mother's insecure ego will be soothed. And he'll be taking care of her. I mean, I . Her family is unstable and made crazy comments to Scarlet and about us. Another persons perspective might help him see his girlfriend for who she is. Also her parents love him, who wouldn't he is a great person, and are now starting to manipulate him too by giving him an allowance travel card. Being manipulated to the point where he cannot see friends without her & is changing his personality, kind and helpful but not allowed to help his family move house without her creating a huge amount of stress on him taking a night away. Girlfriends come and go. We have carted them about, they never offer petrol. My son is mixed up with a true bitch! We made him come home or we would tell her what he was doing (he didn't want her to know). She's shy and has said she doesn't like how she looks, she doesn't like taking pictures is what she said. He will resent your trying to break them up so don't. Many things are said that night including how the mother feels the kids should be able to make their own decisions and how her and her husband met in high school and are still together. it really bothers the family cuz we thought we brought our son up with the understanding that family comes first that you never bring trash in your family and take up for your family! Say, "We want to like her. Tiredofthinkingmom on September 05, 2017: Lou--- yes sir we are living that now good God she may be the twin of our sons gf! I decided to post this comment because I am proof that doing right by your child or a person does not mean that you will be okay. But he might have found his life mate at an early age. I think we are all to blame but I only get the blame. My Sons Girlfriend Is Manipulative- Obvious Signs Parents Cant Ignore, 2. Invasive or insensitive questions about the relationship, her personal life, or her background. Send out lots of love to him. This has caused some problems be I honestly didn't like the girl for him because she was really childish and I think they're too young yet. But the thing is, Only the two of them in the house! Why does it feel bad? Do you think that you might have over-controlled your son? Explain your concerns but follow them with, I will respect your choice and love you no matter what.. Me when my girlfriend doesn't want to hang out with me | TikTok Do you think that they might blame you for their father's leaving the family? If you've encouraged his free will and chosen your battles wisely, he'll more likely be receptive to your sincere input as an adult. My son is 16 and his girlfriend is 17. She sent me a horrible message asking me why I am doing this and it's not fair. my sons girlfriend doesn t like me - Be Falcon It's totally crappy and feels like a can't-win situation, but what happens between them is 100% out of your control. There are a lot more resources for grandparents today. Ok, that was a year ago. But we keep working at it and we keep the lines of communication open. Why rush?". My son wants to tell me and he has an expectation that I should welcome her with open arms (she has never been welcome in my home). First, you might want to have a sit down with your son. Her baby was born Dec 2012. Now my mother keeps on asking how she is studying and who is paying for her fees, even if i explain to her, she would go and talk about it with other family member/s. Continue loving your mother and expressing it. A year ago he started dating this girl, at first I really liked her, she tried to be a mediator between my son and I and she was helpful and always got him home when I wanted him home That didn't last long. original sound - Ryan The Lion. We don't see the spiritual powers at work, and this experience may be invaluable in building his character and life knowledge. But both she and your son need help and together, the results of their relationship have gotten them cutting, threatening suicide, and landing in detention. My 17 year old son has been dating his girlfriend for a few months now, they were also friends for about a year or so prior. We moved to a different town to be closer to aging parents, and he continued to drive an hour and a half every day to see her (he would go after/before his job). We had work of our own to do. Needs to argue constantly. Just keep singing the praises of your fianc, perhaps even drawing some analogies between her and your mother. But, Dave, remember one important thing: This woman is not a mere girlfriend. Hello, my situation is very hard and I truly feel like my son hates me at this point. I even cook or order pizza for them when they like to watch movies or karaoke. Required fields are marked *. Your son must be a person who sees the good in all people and who tries to fix them. When is your birthday? At the end of the night, they came into our house to watch him open his gifts. Remember, if you read my above comments, you'll understand what I mean when I say, "Call to the kitten." Sad thing is, he doesn't realize that he is hurting himself more than anyone else with this hopefully short-lived experimentation. Consider getting help, especially if your son is in an abusive relationship. He saw that her depression, dark attitude, and erratic behavior would not be good for children and that his life would be forever difficult. Be direct: "What have I done to make you treat me this way?" Being a mother, I spoke up and told him to be careful with this. He has never been pressured to study anything he does not want to - made his own choices & is supported in his hobbies & passions; which she is not really supporting as they take time from her. My ex-husband and I have both assisted my son during the custody battle with financial matters. Talk to him one-on-one. Thank you, Lori. The right girl will bring more love and joy to the family as the family grows. So When my niece told me that, I asked him if the girl came to the house.. but he denied it! However, the reality is that my relationship with my son has changed and I can't really see any improvement as long as he is with this woman. I never forgot the first day Scarlet walked into the hotel room, she had earring coming of our her mouth, nose, and tattoos all over her back. She and he will hear about it, and then the honeymoon is over. my sons girlfriend doesn t like me - curiosbettysa.com The real issue is not about accepting your son's girlfriend, but rather accepting the choices that you as the parent make. Kids sometimes might be in such a relationship out of fear of abandonment. So the more you attack her, the more he'll defend her. Please help me what to do! She's the one with the closest relationships to all involved. The request for him to be home is solely for him to have some healthy space for himself and to focus on study occasionally. I felt like I was babysitting a 26 year old child. What d you do in this case ? He text and said he's ok don't worry. That is part of life and learning. All the smooth talks, creepy or stalking tendencies from their partner, are a sign of love. I forgot to mention -- his girlfriend is moving away in June. This is the mother of your child and the mother of her grandchild. Once she wormed her way in, she stopped respecting my wishes and started rebelling as well (probably my son's influence). Scarlet announced to my son that she was going to get her kids and bring them to live with them and she can't/won't pay anything. Our perspective is that you have your whole lieves ahead of you. My sons girl friend hates us. If the girl is "broken" in some way, he can be her hero or savior. They have been together for1 year. And that will drive them both away. My father passed away the day before Mother's day . He messaged me the following morning and told us he had given his girlfriend an ultimatum as her ex partner was always going round to see his child. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Im struggling and I can't sleep well at night. Accepting your son's girlfriend may be challenging at first, but bringing her into your family will also bring you closer to your son. My sons girlfriend is always calling him names and is always angry. I haven't said anything cos I don't want to hurt my son and put him in the middle of something that he is not responsible for. What occurred next is when I saw my son next I pointed out the stains and explained what I had to do. Please note that I have not informed my girlfriend of this as it will hurt her heart. I have been reading all the stories that you ladies have been posting. AT THIS POINT I FEEL THAT I CAN ONLY PRAY THAT GOD WILL GET HIM AWAY FROM THIS HORRIBLE PERSON.I AM TRULY SADDENED AND DISAPPOINTED IN MY SON.PLEASE,GIVE ME SOME GOOD ADVICE. I will be praying for you! For the first 8 months we got along very well. I can't help but think that your son isn't capable of making sound decisions for himself let alone his son. My family and I were sure to surround my son with lots of love all the time so he knew what a loving family he had and what he would be missing if he had to make a choice. Young boys with low self-esteem are attracted to girls that make them feel good about themselves. I am going through hell and probably have lost my son for good. Look whos talking.. Of course your son would protect his girl! She claims to be a witch. I told my son that I would love him forever and when he chose a bride, I'd back him up no matter what road he decided to walk but to be sure about his choice and to know if a girl truly loves him and will make him happy and be a great mother to his children. He may make mistakes. I didn't smother her with love just showed her that she was special. My girlfriend and i we've been dating for 5 months now, I've been the kind of guy to take photos to preserve memories and all, but my girlfriend doesn't like her pictures taken by me. When she started dating Matt she lived with her aunt apparently did not see eye to eye with her mother and step father whom run a beautiful heifer farm and her mom is a school teacher. Unfortunately, your deeply in love son may not yet be in a position to differentiate an unhealthy relationship from a healthy one. So I said, okay.. During that time, my son was dating this new woman and she was still pregnant and also directly after the birth of her child. I only charged her $300 a month rent and she could eat what I put in the refrigerator. She can't keep up with this when you're not around, so . My adult sons girlfriend hates me (jealous, father, person, member Meanwhile, let him know you're his forever family. What concerns me is that this new woman and son moved near me without her resolving her financial situation in the other state and that this new woman claims that my son would have her hide in the closet when my ex-spouse and his step mom would visit him. We asked our son what this was all about and I brought up several reasons including the possibility of her being pregnant. She has placed a huge wedge between us. My girlfriend is the humblest and kindest women I have ever met and I like her for who she is and not what she has. Not allowing him the freedom to learn from his decisions is a mistake, too. I've never been invited into the house, I have to sit in the car on the side of the road. Where is this leading him? If you were only good to them and they still treat you this way, I would sit them down for a talk to find out what they are thinking. You know relationships have bumps in the road. If he really wanted to help her, he would pull her UP and not let her drag him down. I called sweetly to the kitten who wriggled out of the monkey's arms and ran back to me. Stop thinking he doesn't like you and your son. I made conditions for her moving in: she would get a part-time job and go back to school. As parents, there can be clear signs that my sons girlfriend is manipulative. Please advise. Watching your kid with a controlling significant other can be challenging. 6. (Of course, it wasn't always that way with my son whose gf needed a place to stay for a while but she wasn't a problem so I let my mandate slide.). My goodness! "The kids really love her." I explained to her the reason. When he says he wants to go and live with his dad, don't panic and see this as a reflection . Hi Lori. However, after the girlfriend left her messages on the grandmother's phone, she learned that the mother of her grandchild "hates" her. Another persons perspective might help him see his girlfriend for who she is. Don't baby him. We had given him a car when he left school to help him out, but he had an accident. We didn't feel like celebrating. Keep in mind that my son and I were close. Anyway, my heart goes out to each of you for what you are going through. He feels protective. Whenever I see my son, I know he's been with her because his clothes smell like a forest fire. The one who trusted you long ago and still will today. The hard part is hoping your son will wake up before making any lifelong commitment to this girl. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); My Sons Girlfriend Is Manipulative 3 Ways To Cope, on My Sons Girlfriend Is Manipulative 3 Ways To Cope, 1. He ended them all to his advantage. It was sudden. If they are spending much time together and less time on school or other activities. What can I do? he graduated from high school with honors and he earned his Bachelor's degree in Biology in 3 years (with honors). no dreams now. Within 1 1/2 years, she has had five jobs. And it sounds as though they see themselves in the children's romance. It's no longer about what you want for him or what you think is best for him. It's that she's so bloody rude! In fact, I discovered later, the picture was taken several years earlier. Her cooking did not last. To Roxanne: Yours is an extreme example of how tough it is to cope with your son't girlfriend. However, if he can learn from patterns in life, he must understand that ultimately, he cannot fix her. I feel so hurt and don't know what to do. And don't discount the importance and bonding of great sex. People tell that hate is a strong word but there is no other way to describe how. Kids. As if the first meeting wasn't bad, within two weeks of moving in, she was begging to have his baby. Its easy for you to recognize when another person is taking advantage of your loved one. Have you ever been to (your family vacation spot)? The demands are never for us except when his dad needed help lifting things for the house move. Warning: strpos(): Empty needle in /srv/users/serverpilot/apps/dim-wp/public/dog-breeders/index.php on line 1 Warning: strpos(): Empty needle in /srv/users . You kicked him out. She then throws it down and says she was not pregnant. A theme like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog stand out. His driving has changed since he smokes he drives more irrationally now, was a great calm driver till he started smoking. She had died her hair red (my son love's red heads and she decided to do this). The woman that my son has fallen for is extremely, apologetically disrespectful as well. I find it useful,I have four son one came home with a girl who will never say hi to me when he first start'ed going out with her, I always said hi some time she will just be looking at me, and my son will be there when she is doing this,this is my first son, now my #2 son will tel his girlfriend not to talk to me when he has problem with me even now he send his graduation invitation to his girl friend and a friend, when she see will also not say hi,how can I understand this ,I care for this children when their father left when they were babys is this what I get for 26years, please help me. His father and I have tried to reason with both of them. Three months to a 16-year-old sounds like eternity, and a broken girl like her will seek out another fixer. I kept staring at her face and was turned off. Any advice and insight on these situations of life. We are all heartbroken and only talk with him occasionally. They know that my husband and I don't like it at all. If she comes with serious emotional baggage, including mental or physical illness or addictions and he loves her enough to take her as is, you need to step aside and allow him to walk the life path he chooses. We did not attack our son's former girlfriend but we only continually expressed our love for him. She pretends to be having no issue to me at times but I am concerned that this will have a negative impact on our relationship with her (mother) once we get married. He'd call in for a meal occasionally. Keep the porch light on and the door unlocked. When you consistently cook and clean for him, even if he didn't ask you to, he gets accustomed to full-on mom treatment. If I were you, I would be humble enough to apologize to my son. This girlfriend of your son's doesn't sound like she would make a good mother or will make him happy in the long run. Confronting them will not likely end well. What would you suggest at this point? 7. We are in a day where accusations can and will destroy a person. If they aren't, let time run its course. We made the mistake of letting her live in our home 5 months ago and my home has become so uncomfortable that we have asked her to move out. We have tried to talk with our son about what we felt in the beginning was just typical new mom depression or her being overwhelmed. My son is now with an old woman, closer to my age than his. We do try and invite them all the time, but there is always an excuse as to why he can't make it. We were trying to give him support until he found his first professional job. He is still dependent on us, only has a part time job, just finished school, starting uni and her influence of always needing him & her party lifestyle is rubbing off. The VERY 1st time I met her did not turn out goodclothing (left nothing to ghe imagination); cussed horribly (every other word was the F bomb); and she was SO extremely disrespectful to my son (he just stood there like a deer caught in the headlights and took it). They're just now experiencing some measure of independence. So the gift and dinner out with my mom and that I had planned were canceled. I know from experience!
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